Seasons

 

It’s been a long time since I have written anything. It feels like I have been on a train not knowing my own destination. Unable to get off at any train stop. Waiting to see if the next stop is more fitting perhaps?

My thoughts kept inside for so long, bottled up like French Champagne. Glamorous, rich and just waiting to burst open, pouring over to refresh and bring joy and hope to the table.

Yet, the cork is stuck on the inside, unable to release the bubbles grows more anxious by the hour.

How did I get into this season without realising it?

Was I gracefully following its path all along?

If this is a season, do we all need to go through it?

How will I know when the wind starts changing?

I am ready for change after months of sitting still in utter frustration staring endlessly out the window at people scurrying along their daily routines, others enjoying life, embracing love and fellowship.

I grew weaker and weaker waiting, wishing I could blink and it would be May last year again. Then my head falls and my eyes stare blank at the floor. The question returns like a siren screaming inside my head. Why did it had to happen? I thought I was doing fine, I almost had it all. I loved my live.

Yet, somehow I knew I was drowning.

I know now that it saved me by breaking me. It grabbed my hand from under the water and pulled me up. It gave my fresh air to fill my lungs again and time to stand firm with my both my feet solidly on the ground before trying to get up again. Still I resist the change it brings?

Am I afraid of whats to come? Two thoughts cross my mind. No, I am ready and Yes, more than ever.

Inside a small voice whispers that I am ready. Sometimes we need to get broken for the light to get in.

This broke me, more than I ever knew yet now I am starting to comprehend its magnitude.

As I pack my bag, I wait for the next whistle and I know this stop is mine. I will have to get off, let go of the fear of the possibility that I might never get on again.

I will have to take the first step, then the second and then the third. No matter the cost. No matter the pain.

My season of healing has finally come, and now I know that I am ready.

6 thoughts on “Seasons

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